Why Talking, Trying and Therapy Haven't Worked

If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “We’ve tried everything and nothing’s working,” you’re not alone.

Most women who come to me say the same thing:

• “We’ve tried talking.”

• “We’ve tried therapy.”

• “We’ve tried date nights.”

• “We’ve tried really, really hard.”

And yet… their marriage still feels stuck.

So what's going on? Why hasn’t it worked?

The Problem With Talking

Talking is important. But when you and your partner keep circling around the same issues, the conversations start to feel like groundhog day.

Instead of finding solutions, you end up stuck in the same cycle:

• You talk.

• You argue.

• You retreat.

• Nothing changes.

Talking about the problem doesn’t necessarily change the patterns that keep causing the problem.

The Problem With “Trying Harder”

How many times have you thought, “If I just try harder, maybe it’ll get better?”

The truth is, trying harder often feels like pushing a boulder uphill. You exhaust yourself, you resent him for not matching your effort, and you end up even more disconnected.

Effort without the right tools doesn’t equal progress.

The Problem With Therapy

Therapy can be amazing for some things — but often it keeps you focused on the past, or on understanding the problem without actually clearing it.

It’s like shining a torch on the wound but never stitching it up.

Many of my clients tell me therapy gave them awareness… but not the transformation they needed to feel different in their marriage.

So What Actually Works?

Here’s the part most people never tell you:

Your marriage shifts when you shift.

When you stop waiting for him to change and start clearing the baggage, triggers, and patterns running in the background — that’s when things begin to look different.

It doesn’t mean you do all the work forever. But it does mean you take back your power, instead of handing it over to circumstances or waiting for him to “get it together.”

The Bottom Line

If you’ve been frustrated that talking, trying, or therapy haven’t fixed things — it’s not because you’re broken or your marriage is doomed. It’s because those approaches don’t get deep enough.

When you start clearing what’s really in the way — your triggers, resentments, and old stories — you stop running the same loops.

And when that changes, everything changes.

💡 Want to explore what this could look like for you?
[Apply here for a private call] — if it’s the right fit, we’ll uncover what’s been keeping you stuck and the fastest way forward.